- As is always the case when we deal with human beings, there are no absolute rules. The LD child shows many variations in
kind and degree from every other LD child. His performance may even vary from day-to-day and from age-to-age. For this
reason, no general description is likely to fit any one child exactly and no specific plan for helping such a child will be equally
effective for all children. The recommendations that follow are no exception, and each person will therefore find some of them
more helpful and appropriate than others.
- Stop Feeling Guilty. Efforts to establish fault or blame are pointless. The specific cause of learning disabilities is unknown
(although recent research is learning more and more).
- Accept and Love This Child As He Is. Value his uniqueness. Help him develop a secure self-concept.
- Make Sure Significant Others in his life, grandparents, other close relatives, friends or neighbors understand his disabilities.
He may suffer because the people important to him don't understand or accept him.
- Be Sure Both Parents Have The Same Picture Of Him. When parents differ as to what he needs or is like, the results increase
everyone's confusion.
- Learn to Understand Specifically Your Child's Learning Disability. Learn his strengths and weaknesses. This child with LD has
a handicap that will need your help for many years. Goals should be those that challenge but do not extend beyond his
capabilities. When parents can accept their child's assets and liabilities, then the child can begin to accept himself.
- Help The Child Understand As Completely As Possible What "Learning Disability" Means. He may view his disability as being
more devastating than it is because nobody has discussed openly and honestly his condition with him. This also applies to
brothers and sisters in the home. Never think you can shield him by trying to keep his disability nameless and not talked about.
It is not knowing that is so frightening to the youngster. Many of the fears and insecurities of these children might be prevented
by making the unknown known and many of his emotional symptoms can often be dramatically alleviated. Of course, some
children will use being disabled as a crutch, but these are easier to cope with than the often severe emotional problems
stemming from a mistaken belief that he is retarded or otherwise "inferior."
- Look for Genuine Opportunities To Give Praise and Recognition, especially in front of his friends or family members. False
praise should be avoided, but the child's honest effort can always be applauded and building him up in the eyes of others will
increase his own self esteem.
- Learning Disabled Children Need Constant Reinforcement. This means that our youngsters should be given some kind of
reward (this can be a praising word, a candy, or simply the statement "good" ) after completion of every task no matter how
small. If some form of praise is not forthcoming, they will quickly lose interest in their work and assume that they have not done
well at all. This is in contrast to the normal child who usually continues to do as well as he can even if he is praised only once
in awhile. The average child can remember praise longer and is motivated to give his best long after he gets the last
encouragement, whereas the LD child needs continuous reinforcement of his good performance. This also suggests school
assignments should be broken up into small units with immediate "reward" for feedback after each part is completed. Some
parents have found that they could keep their child interested longer and with better results if they used rewards for each word
spelled correctly (nutritional snacks).
- Provide Consistent Discipline Which Is Firm, But Kind. Patience should replace exasperation when the child misbehaves. At
the same time, the limits that are set must be maintained. Establish clear ground rules. Giving into persistent whining will only
multiply his confusion and delay the establishment of desired habits.
- Structure And Design Specifically What The Child Is And Is Not To Do, To Avoid The Misunderstandings That Are Common With
This Kind Of Child. Eliminate chances for misbehavior where possible. If there are things he is not to play with, remove the
temptation. If he steals small items impulsively, do not let him go to the store alone. Keep money belonging to other members
of the family in locked boxes. Do not depend on his memory or willingness to obey or his ability to control his impulses.
- Try To Be Selective About Scary Movies And Television Programs which emphasize violence and aggression, since this child
may be more vulnerable to suggestion than other children, or may be less able to separate fact from fiction.
- Reinforce Any Possible Talent The Child Has And Provide Him With As Many Successes As Possible. A youngster who has
had success in sports or any other extra-curricular activity can often take his defeat and hardships in other areas with less
rebellion and frustration. He is also looked on as someone special and, hence, is forgiven some of his more problematic
behavioral escapades, which in turn leads to fewer scoldings and more self-esteem.
- Don't put pressure on him to learn quickly, as pressure disorganizes rather than helps him. He will be upset by work that
seems to him to be too difficult and he feels threatened with failure. He feels helplessness, despair, and resentment toward
you for demanding more than he can give. He may sometimes burst into tears. Here, work should stop completely and the
child should be soothed. Begin again with review work, in which you know he will be successful and build slowly and carefully
until you can present the new material again.
- Do not assume that any learning is incidental. Perceptual deficits, apart from other effects, may mean that a child will not pick
up bits of information in an ordinary way. Things most children learn by chance, these children do not sort out from the clutter of
all the stimuli impinging on them. Many very ordinary and unexpected things have to be made explicit. They are often vague and
confused about the world around them. They may not understand relationships that many of us take for granted. (One bright
ten-year-old did not know that his grandmother was his father's mother; no one had ever told him.) This fuzziness leads to
many embarrassments in the child's world - in areas parents may not regard as seriously as they do school problems. He may
forget the name of his cousin visiting from out of town and have to ask it over and over. He may not know his telephone number.
One child whose parents were away on vacation was unable to say where they had gone. For a child like this, the world is
much less secure and much more mysterious than it needs to be.
- Teach social skills. Many children become isolated because they cannot cope with the simplest of social situations. Make a
point of teaching him the skills that his peers have. Teach him games in which he can participate and even excel: card games,
checkers, and other fad games that pop up every season. Help him learn to catch and throw a ball. Even if he never becomes a
ball player, teach him the rules, its vocabulary, so that he will make an intelligent observer or scorekeeper. Besides games,
parents should try to help him achieve other nonacademic interests and skills of children his age so that he can hold his own
with his friends. Help your teenager learn the words to the pop tunes and help him learn to dance. Teach him to bowl and
swim, how to order from a menu, how to pay the bill and leave a tip. Parents should never take for granted that their children will
learn social graces in normal interaction with friends.
- Do not flood the child with petty time-consuming decisions: For example, what dress to wear, what shirt, etc. If he dawdles and
shows indecision, then make these decisions for him.
- Whenever possible, do consider his opinion in some larger matters: For example, to go or not to go to Jimmy's birthday, to go
fishing with a friend, etc. If there is no real reason to deny the child, then allow him the option of 'yes" or "no." However, many LD
youngsters will need time to picture the situation and think it through before deciding.
- Do not haggle or negotiate or wheedle about small things. An extra TV program, whether or not a helping of a new food is
accepted, etc. A decision, even if it is in error is better than haggling. Have faith in yourself.
- Give the child chores by all means. Setting the table for supper, helping serve at the table, clearing the dishes, making the bed,
etc. Boys as well as girls should do these chores. Parents must share their duties and chores with their LD children for the
child's good. Such activities build self-discipline and a sense of responsibility. Select one or two chores and be prepared to
face the fact that it will take your time, effort, goodwill and many calm reminders to get these chores done. Withholding a
desired privilege for a short time may be necessary if the child fails to do the chore assigned.
- Be prepared to accept the absent-mindedness of most LD children. These youngsters need to be reminded again and again
but without the irritating "I've told you a million times." Try to avoid the normal and usual escalation of irritation when directions
or reminders need to be given over and over. When you have to repeat a direction, say it each time as though it were the first
time. These children are not being willful and stubborn when they can't remember. At this point in time, they just can't keep the
many things we expect them to remember at the forefront of consciousness.
- Do not permit the LD child to be unduly loud and noisy in a public place. Do something about it quickly, then and there, even if it
is embarrassing for all concerned. Saying "Just wait till I get you home" will not help the child and will only make parents feel
frustrated.
- Punishment should be: be designed to fit the child and vary with the offense. The cardinal rule is to punish behavior and not the
child.
- Punishment should follow immediately after the offense so that the association between the undesirable behavior and the
punishment that follows such action will be strengthened.
- Punishment should be of short duration. It must clear the air: the parent should not continue to accuse and grumble, but the
child may be allowed to grumble a bit.
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